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Edith Piaf’s Nose

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Edith Piaf’s Nose


(parody of La Vie En Rose)

I’m a bit obsessed with Edith Piaf’s Nose… or at least that nasal singing.

      Edith Piaf's Nose (Joe J Thomas)

Edith Piaf's Nose

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Edith Piaf’s Nose 👃
Parody of “La Vie En Rose”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
She sings my blood starts racing fast
That nasal sound broadcast
It’s Edith Piaf’s nose
There’s a hole in either side
A schnoz I fantasize
’bout Edith Piaf’s nose
When her whiny singing starts
It pierces through my heart
And yet my ears hear doom
The music begins and there’s cotton to shove
Into my ears just to stop your shrill love song
My mind is finally steadfast
Your voice leaves me aghast
But I love your nose
…
You can’t give me what I ask
I’ll have a rhinoplast
To get Edith Piaf’s nose
Though it looks good on my face
No one can take your place
As Edith Piaf’s nose
When I thought that all was lost
I’d paid the doctor’s cost
You walked into the room
Our noses were certainly something to see
One was for you and the other for me
Now you sing and I’m bereft
I know true love is deaf
Edith Piaf’s nose!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Under Construction (parody of “Eve of Destruction”)

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Under Construction


(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)

Available for purchase on The FuMP! (clicky-clicky)

*** soon to be heard on Dr. Demento! ***

The true story of my latest move and remodel… still in progress!

Audio:

      UnderConstruction_JoesDump_JoeJThomas

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Under Construction
(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
They took my couch and now they’re loading
Into a truck but they don’t know where they’re going
There goes my bed and the dining table
I’d give ’em directions but I don’t think I’m able
And now I got a headache from this twisted fairy tale
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Just wait and see my place is under construction
…
My kitchen stove is stuck in Italy
Now there’s just a hole right where it should be
Not really much that I am seeking
Just gimme one toilet that works and isn’t leaking
Or a water heater capable of heating
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Oh can’t you see my home is under construction
…
Garbage disposal blew out my power
Been leaking like a sieve for over an hour
Now shipping man where’s my delivery
I’m hoping the forth one is just like it should be
Since they broke number two and they lost number three
Looking for someone got a package for me
But I’m so damn pissed that I can hardly see
Don’t you tell me over and over and over again, my friends
I’m living right here in this house that’s under construction
…
Can’t see no end to this home renovating
Used all our money and a touch of innovating
Got a place to sleep and a heater that heating
The plumbing is fine and there’s still a little leaking
I can’t complain but it’s sympathy I’m seeking
Just want a place where no workers are there peeping
And a nice hot meal without going out for taking
And I tell you over and over and over again, my friends
I’m kinda tired living life that’s under construction
I wanna be done with everything that’s under construction
~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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High Speed Thinkin’ (parody of “Hot Rod Lincoln”)

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High Speed Thinkin’


Parody of “Hot Rod Lincoln” by Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen
Dedicated to the memory of George Frayne, aka Commander Cody (1944-2021)

Available for purchase on The FuMP! (clicky-clicky)

*** soon to be heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A song about a guy obsessed with energy drinks.

A comedy parody of a non-parody comedy… song.

Audio:

      HighSpeedThinkin_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
High Speed Thinkin’
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
~~~
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
(music)
Started in college just before an exam; My brain’s overheatin’ in a mental jam
That coffee was goin’ down real smooth; Got all them neurons startin’ to move
(sting)
Followed it up with a Jolt or two; Heart was racin’, blood was too
Answers were comin’ hard and fast; Not sure how long that buzz would last
(sting)
Had a Monster stuck to both my hands; Five-Hour Energy joined the band
Was writin’ so fast, that pen got tired; The page below just caught fire
(sting)
Well I put that test in the rear-view mirror; My life ahead was filled with terror
Only one cure would ease my core; I had to go get more, more, more
(music)
Got a job to make them energy drinks; A constant supply to help me think
The boss looked me right in the eye; Go out and make them customers buy
(sting)
So I drove around and stocked the stores; Walked the streets and banged on doors
But the chief told me to hit the road; Seems that I drank more than I sold
(sting)
I started a company in my garage; Mixed up some stuff with an entourage
We sold it north, we sold it south; Them folks wanted more in their mouth
(sting)
I named my stuff Nuclear Fuel; You drank too much you’d act the fool
Guzzled that stuff, kept me smokin’; My brain grew larger, that’s no jokin’
(sting)
The stuff I made gave me the jitters; Thoughts were random little skitters
Friends and family looked concerned; That’s one more lesson I didn’t learn
(music)
I felt myself expand in space; Mind and body not held in place
Shot straight out away from earth; I was the soul of my own rebirth
(sting)
Looking down from way on high; Planets and stars whizzing by
Up ahead I saw a light; Way in the distance clear and bright
(sting)
Inside that light, well I met god; He looked at me like I was odd
It only took a flick of his hand; To send me back down to the earthly land
(sting)
Well it landed me in a hospital ward; Without my juice I just got bored
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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De Pronto Seymour

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De Pronto Seymour

This week I’m posting a cover version of “Suddenly Seymour” from the musical Little Shop of Horrors… but in Spanish!

Here’s the song, with my Audrey voice pitch-shifted up by an octave (yes, I sound like Miss Piggy):

      De Pronto Seymour (pitch-shift cover song by Joe J Thomas)

… and one with just my original singing:
      De Pronto Seymour (cover song by Joe J Thomas)

There were several challenges that went into this song:

  • Transcribing the Lyrics (couldn’t find an official version online)
  • Singing in Spanish, with correct pronunciation and emphasis
  • Harmonizing with myself
  • Pitch shifting my voice for Audrey’s part

I got a lot out of the exercise. Learned some new Spanish words, a new song, and some new production techniques. More tools for the toolbox. Or at least toys for the toybox.

Hope you enjoy it!
Joe

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
“De Pronto Seymour”
Spanish version of “Suddenly Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors
(transcribed from a version performed in Buenos Aires)
…
SEYMOUR
No estés así. Toma mi pañuelo. Limpiate el rimmel, los labios también.
Quiero mirar el alba en tus ojos. Estamos muy juntos, ya todo está bien.

De pronto Seymour está a tu lado. No más maquillaje, no más que esconder.
De pronto Seymour llegó para darte dulces palabras. Cuenta con él.

AUDREY
Yo a la ternura no conocía. Mamí era pobre, papá se nos fue.
Y cualquier hombre que aparecía; “vení” me decía y yo qué iba a hacer?
De pronto Seymour está a mi lado. A nada me obliga. Me sabe entender.
De pronto Seymour llegó para darme dulce consuelo, cuento con él.

SEYMOUR
Dime que esto que siento es eterno. Que ya ha pasado mi tiempo infeliz.

AUDREY
Seymour comprende que a los perdedores. No les es fácil gritar: “soy feliz”

AUDREY
De pronto Seymour
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
De pronto Seymour

AUDREY
Me purifica
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
Te purifica

AUDREY
De pronto Seymour
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
De pronto Seymour

AUDREY
Dice Podés
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
Sí, Podés!

AUDREY
Ser esa…
TODOS
Chica!

TODOS
La que soy por dentro

SEYMOUR
Él te comprende
AUDREY
Él me comprende

SEYMOUR
Muy tiernamente
AUDREY
Muy tiernamente

TODOS
Muy tiernamente

AUDREY
Mi hombre es Él!
OTROS
Tu hombre es Él!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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The Song Is You (cover song)

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The Song Is You

This week I’m posting a cover version of “The Song Is You”, as made popular by Frank Sinatra.

The song was composed by Jerome Kern with lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II for their musical “Music in the Air”

I like to keep my singing chops on par, so I try to challenge myself with new material.

Hope you enjoy it!

      The Song Is You (Sinatra cover song by Joe J Thomas)

More info at: The Song Is You (Wikipedia)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
“The Song Is You”
…
I hear music when I look at you
A beautiful theme of every dream I ever knew
Down deep in my heart I hear it play
I can feel it start, then it melts away
…
I hear music when I touch your hand
A beautiful melody from some enchanted land
Down deep in my heart, I hear it say
“Is this the day?”
…
I alone have heard this lovely strain
I alone have heard this glad refrain
Must it be forever inside of me?
Why can’t I let it go? Why can’t I let you know?
…
Why can’t I let you know the song my heart would sing?
Beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring
The music is sweet, and the words are true
The song is you
[instrumental]
Why can’t I let you know the song my heart would sing?
That beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring
The music is sweet, and the words are true
The song is you

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

*** as heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A wholesome song about my favorite apple… or is it?

The reason the apple industry won’t hire Tom Jones.

A Triple Entendre Parody Song.

Audio:

      PinkLady_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas

When I don’t know what I want, feeling hungry, feeling gaunt after dinner.
There is something in my place that I stick into my face that is a winner.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
I might have her in a pie, lookin’ yummy when she’s fried with something saucy
She is crunchy and she’s sweet, such a high fiber treat, her skin is glossy
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
When I’m at the supermarket know I always choose her
Always treat her with respect cause I don’t wanna bruise her
Sometimes when we get back home I put her in a juicer
She’s so versatile she could fill a whole buffet. Hey, hey, hey!
When I pop her in my mouth then I know what she’s about. She’s so delicious.
She got vitamins A and C, Riboflavin helps me see. She’s so nutritious.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Whoa whoa whoa! Eat a Lady!
Listen to me. I eat a Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Talkin’ about a Pink Lady.
Whoa whoa whoa! And that lady, oh that lady tastes fine…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Imagine – John Lennon (Joe’s Bassment)

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Imagine – John Lennon (Joe’s Bassment)

How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass

Welcome back to Joe’s Bassment, Where I sing a popular song in a lower key…

This week, I’m covering “Imagine” by John Lennon

At first, I tried it a full octave lower, but that sounded a *tad* too low.

So the final version is 4 half steps lower instead. Enjoy!

      Imagine - John Lennon (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

Music Backing Soundtrack: Ryohei Kanayama (http://www.goldmine1969.com)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Imagine by John Lennon
– – – – – –
Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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We Three Elvis! (Joe’s Bassment)

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We Three Elvis! (Joe’s Bassment)

How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass

Normally on Joe’s Bassment, I sing a popular song in a lower key… But not this week!

I’ve got 3 Elvis ballads, including one for Christmas!

      Elvis: Blue Christmas (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

      Elvis: Can't Help Falling In Love (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

      Elvis: Teddy Bear (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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Hero Justice! (Pendant Seminar)

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Hero Justice!

PENDANT PRODUCTIONS PROUDLY PRESENTS:
Seminar Episode 90: A Time To Seek And A Time To Lose…

When you need help, sometimes it comes from the places you least expect it.
Featuring “Avatar” by Lisa N. Michaud and “Hero Justice” by Joe J. Thomas!

(my story is the second half, but listen to the whole episode 😉 )

Episode Audio:

      Seminar90master

Commentary Audio:

      Seminar90commentary

Transcript available at pendantaudio.com (click here).

Release Date: December 11, 2019 Run Time: 33:09

~~~ Artwork (click each for full size) ~~~

~~~ Backstory ~~~

It all started with a beard…

I had grown a weird goatee and mustache combo (see SightLine’s photo), and decided to have some fun shaving half of each off. Then I photoshopped the laser eyes and a destroyed city. A few months later, I did the Genie photo on a whim. Then I found an old superhero mask (Bellyman), that I used for Brick Red.

So, armed with three odd pictures I did what anyone would do: I made a fake movie poster.

After that, it was just a matter of writing a story to go with it. Yeah, I do everything backwards.

Next up: Pitching the idea to Marvel and DC 😉

(wish me luck…)

~~~ Credits ~~~

Seminar Episode 90: A Time To Seek And A Time To Lose…

Featuring the voice talents of Kathryn Pryde as Alice, Dan Foster as Alex and Thomas, and Aiden Rudd as Zerash.

In “Avatar,” Bare Schacht was Soo, Jake Philips was Smith, Jack Pevyhouse was LeBlanc Dave Morgan was Prakesh, and Jess Herring was Jones. The story was written by Lisa N. Michaud.

In “Hero Justice”, Joel Nisbitt was Senior FBI Agent, Joshua Zedicker was Junior FBI Agent, Cindy Woods was Alice Azure, Russ Gold was Bond-Zero, and Joe J. Thomas was Carl Calderon and the Heroes. The story was written by Joe J. Thomas.

This episode was directed by VC Morrison and assistant-directed by Samantha Reed. The wrapper script and story were written by Kathryn Pryde, and the shorts and wrapper were edited by Jeffrey Bridges.

Music featured in this episode include the following: Hero Justice Theme Song by Joe J. Thomas, additional music and Seminar theme were written by VC Morrison, produced by Pendant Productions.

Seminar co-created by Kathryn Pryde and Jeffrey Bridges
Copyright 2019 Pendant Productions

Pendant Audio: Seminar – Also Available on (clicky-clicky):
Apple Podcasts/iTunes
Spotify
Google Play
Stitcher
Pendant Podcast feed (xml)
Pendant Show Page (Seminar)

Where to find Pendant Audio (more clicky-clicky):
Pendant Audio (main site)
Pendant on Yahoo
Pendant on Twitter
Pendant on Facebook
Pendant on Tumblr
Pendant on YouTube

Thanks for listening!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Joe’s Bassment: If I Didn’t Care (Nutcracker!)

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Joe’s Bassment: If I Didn’t Care (Nutcracker!)

How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass

Normally on Joe’s Bassment, I sing a popular song in a lower key… But not this week!

I’m taking the “Joe’s Dump Nutcracker Challenge!” and doing this song in it’s original key… Including the highest note I’ve ever sung!

Dedicated to my lovely wife, here’s “If I Didn’t Care” by The Ink Spots and The Platters:

Enjoy!

      If I Didn't Care - JoeActor - ThanksGiving 2019

If I Didn’t Care (Joe’s Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“If I Didn’t Care”
Cover version by: Joe J Thomas
Original by: The Ink Spots
If I didn’t care more than words can say
If I didn’t care would I feel this way?
If this isn’t love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go ’round and ’round
While my heart stands still?

If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?

Optional… Monologue:
If I didn’t care honey child, mo’ than words can say. If I didn’t care baby, would I feel this way? Darlin’ if this isn’t love, then why do I thrill so much? What is it that makes my head go ’round and ’round while my heart just stands still so much?

If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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