Category Archives: Comedy

Decide! (Cat Song)

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Decide! (Cat Song)

(parody of “Rawhide!”)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Thank you to all my Friends for Photos of their Furry Felines
(=^_^=)

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      Decide! (Cat Song) by Joe J Thomas

 

Decide! (Cat Song) – Parody of “Rawhide!”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2023, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, http://www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Decide! (Cat Song) – Parody of “Rawhide!”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
Yowlin’, yowlin’, yowlin’, Hear them cats a howlin’. Can’t they quit that Meowin’, Inside!
Wave a stick that has a feather, and chase fur toys with leather, Thinkin’ they’re a tiny lion pride.
Them little kitty kisses, murder beans and hisses, look at ‘em shakin’ their backsides…
Let ‘em out, Let us in, Put ‘em in, Put us out, Let ‘em out, Let us in… Decide!
Put ‘em out, Put us in, Let ‘em in, Let us out, Put ‘em out… Why can’t you Decide?!?!?
…
Feedin’, feedin’, feedin’, while their paws are kneedin’. Caused a little bleedin’… My Thigh!
Them cats is always eatin’. Lickin’, runnin’, sleepin’. Don’t ask cuz I really don’t know why.
I’m a slave to their desires, it’s makin’ me real tired. The smell from the litter box is high!
Scoop it out!, Fill it up, Fill the bowl, Eat it up, Let ‘em out, Let us in… Decide!
Take a rest, Pet me now, Brush their fur, Wanna play, What the hell… Why won’t you Decide?!?!?
…
Blowin’, blowin’, blowin’. There’s a snowstorm snowin’, Ain’t no cats a goin’ Outside!
I hear them kitties comin’, through the house they’re runnin’, underneath the covers they will hide.
It’s warmer in my bedroom, they’ll be sleepin’ on my head soon, they treat me like a magic carpet ride.
Snuggle up!, Crazies now!, Settle down!, Run Around!, Wanna sleep!, Kneed the sheets… Decide!
On my feet!, Meowing sweet!, Take a rest!, Motor Purr!, I Love you… now just please Decide?!?!?

– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Dr Mom! (comedy song)

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Dr Mom!

(original comedy song)

Dr Mom!
It’s the 90’s sitcom you never knew you needed!
Dr Mom’s a genius surgeon… until she brings work home!

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      Dr Mom! by Joe J Thomas

 

Dr Mom!
(original comedy song)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
Copyright 2023, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, http://www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Dr Mom!
(original comedy song)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
—
(intro music)

I get home from school and there’s a body on the kitchen table
Dr. Mom comes thru the door and tells me his condition’s stable

Mom’s a genius surgeon with a lot of dedication
But every time she brings work home I’m in need of medication

Down in our family basement is the convalescent ward
In the attic lives a psycho who’s got free room and board
Dr. Mom says it’s all just a temporary situation
But after all this stress I’m gonna need a permanent vacation

Sponge, Wipe, Clamp.
Home. Work. Champ.
It’s the liver and onions she made us for our dinner
But none of us is really sure if it’s cow or if it’s someone’s innards

(interlude)

Dr. Mom we gotta talk, there’s something that I wanna say
It’s sad you lost your job last year but there has to be a better way
You know we love you Dr. Mom with all our heart and soul
I think a new career next year might be a pretty awesome goal

(outro music)

“Dr. Mom is filmed in front of a live studio audience.”

– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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R2 Death Star (parody song)

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R2 Death Star

(parody of “Grandma’s Feather Bed” by John Denver)

Hear the real Star Wars story… When R2D2 took control of the Death Star!!!

Thrill! Gasp! Exfoliate!

Lyrics and Singing: Joe J Thomas
Graphics & Animation Style: K Woo

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      R2 Death Star by Joe J Thomas

 

R2 Death Star
(parody of “Grandma’s Feather Bed” by John Denver)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
R2 Death Star
(parody of “Grandma’s Feather Bed” by John Denver)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
– verse 1
Member that time near Alderaan, R2D2 plugged right in
With a beep and a boop he shut down all them Death Star trashy bins
Long as he’s got that S-Comp link how’s about he goes too far
He took control of the whole dang thing – he’s R2 Death Star!
– chorus
Got a million crew, he’s white and blue
The Empire’s running scared
With a Golden Bud, a Scruffy Stud
And a Wookiee full o’ hair
That Superlaser’s heatin’ up
Planet’s blow’d up, then recharge
Just a little droid but don’t you toy with R2 Death Star!
– verse 2
He blasted Emperor Palpatine, Took out the Senate too
Vaporized Darth Vader and had a whole Sith barbecue
Them Clones got fried and just for fun he went after Jar Jar
That tiny beepin’ trash can droid named R2 Death Star!
– (chorus repeat)
– verse 3
Now y’all know the real story ‘bout how the Jedi won
From a tiny droid toolin’ round with a planet bustin’ gun (whoa!)
So next time you’re thinkin’ ‘bout The Force, The Light Side and the Dark
There weren’t no Jedi won that war- twas R2 Death Star!
– (chorus repeat)
He’s a bit annoyed, that little droid – He’s R2 Death Star!
– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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My One-Eyed Love (R.E.M. Parody)

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My One-Eyed Love

(parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)

Oh, Popeye!

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      My One-Eyed Love by Joe J Thomas

 

My One-Eyed Love (parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
My One-Eyed Love (parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
The sailor man who always smokes a corncob pipe
A spinach can, fortifies that man
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! Popeye!
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
An oddly deep cleft chin and really beefy arms
Got a magic Jeep, and a baby named Swee’Pea
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
(music interlude with quotes)
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Olive Oyl will never keep him from my side
Bluto is my name, call me Brutus just the same
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
(well, blows me down!) (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Blue Krampus (Elvis Parody)

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Blue Krampus (Elvis Parody)

There just aren’t enough Krampus holiday songs out there…

I’m here to fix that!

      Blue Krampus by Joe J Thomas

Blue Krampus - Joe J Thomas - JoesDump.com

Happy Holidays! Every! Damn! One!

Blue Krampus (parody of “Blue Xmas” by Elvis)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Blue Krampus (parody of “Blue Xmas” by Elvis)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
I’ll have a blue Krampus without you
The Easter crew dyes eggs in fun hues
On the Fourth of July, fireworks in the sky
Won’t be the same, dear, as Valentines gone by
Oktoberfest’s not best when you’re gone
And Halloween will mask me until dawn
Hanukkah dreidels spin but it’s still not a win
Because you up and left me on Xmas
…
Spoken: Oh my darlin’. You know it’s like that ole’ Krampus visits me every day since you’re gone. I miss you so much. Even if you just threw a shoe at my head, or dunked me in your drowning tub… it’d be way better than this!
…
It’s like groundhog day’s here
But you’re still nowhere near
Because you up and left me on Xmas

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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It’s A Gecko (parody)

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It’s A Gecko (parody)


(parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)

If Elvis sang about insurance mascots, it might go something like this…

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      It's A Gecko (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
It’s A Gecko
(Parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas
…
In a boardroom. A marketing wizard with a British lizard,
Came up with a thing for insurance-ing, it’s a Gecko.
For your home and car. You may wonder if he’s from the swamp.
But his voice is filled with that kinda pomp from the Grotto
Now you gotta understand, This guy ain’t no Caveman.
He don’t compete with Emu’s or a waitress named Flo
He is made from lizard meat, With some really funky feet.
And that accent may be Brit or Aussie but it ain’t no status quo.
He can save you cash. He’ll just bundle it up into a package.
Just in case your car gets in some smack-age. He’s that Gecko
It’s an ad campaign. He can ride on a horse in a boxing ring.
He may hip-hop dance or even sing. From a libretto
Who knows just what we’ll see next. Will they shoot him into space?
Run for office with Lady Gaga. Or play the cello with Yo-Yo Ma?
And the ad’s go on. Something makes me keep on watching.
Are they for real or only joshing. With a Gecko
I don’t understand. What insurance has to do with reptiles.
Is it just an odd commercial style? ‘Bout a Gecko
It’s a Gecko.
In Stilettos. Sings Falsetto. Eating Neccos. In The Meadow.
It’s a Gecko.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)


(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)

Sushi-Oh’s!

The Sushi Breakfast Cereal with the World’s First Great Taste of Fish!

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Sushi-Oh's! Cereal (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Sushi-Oh’s!
(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
Want a breakfast cereal, with plenty of Omega 3’s
Lots of fresh ingredients, comin’ straight out da sea
Got crispy rice and tuna, seaweed bits and salmon
When I pop ‘em in my mouth, well you know my tongue be jammin’
…
Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!
…
Eat ‘em up with soy milk, sometimes straight outta da box
Just like chirashi, or maybe they’re more like lox
Chewy bits of edamame, shucked out their little pods
It’s so dang delicious, just like cereal from the gods
…
Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! (hey!) I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!
…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Defeat of the Spanish Armada (parody)

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Defeat of the Spanish Armada


(parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot)

Dedicated to my wife, who’s excuse for everything that goes wrong in Spain is The Defeat of the Spanish Armada… as written by my 7 1/2 year-old self.

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Defeat of the Spanish Armada (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Defeat of the Spanish Armada
parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

When I was a lad t’was one thing made me sad. Them lessons t’were all about history.
With memorized names, all the dates seemed the same. The whole bloody thing was a mystery.
One summer my task that the teacher had asked was a subject of which I knew nada
So I made up a tale and set it to sail ‘bout the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

One ship hit the bank and another one sank when the keelhaul was nibbled by otters
A monster at sea took another twenty three in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One Capitan at night had his beard set alight and he scuttled his ship to the bottom
As it went down in flames it dragged ten more in chains in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

A nearsighted sailor thought he spotted a failure in the hull that was under the water
He went down with an axe and he never came back from the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
They passed through a geyser chock full of papaya and a fruity wave of piñatas
Fourteen of them wood boats they no longer could float in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

T’was possession by demons for half of the seaman. They went mad and demanded horchatas
The devils and imps were all turned into chimps for the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
I finished my story and the teacher looked worried then called for my mama and dada
She told them I failed and my future had sailed with the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Amazon Made Me Buy (parody)

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Amazon Made Me Buy


(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)

I may have an Amazon addiction… maybe…

Audio:

      Amazon Made Me Buy (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Amazon Made Me Buy
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
Amazon made me buy, don’t you know now
Amazon made me buy

Even though I could just walk outside and get stuff from a store
It’s just so damn inefficient, shopping always leaves me bored
I don’t even need to leave the couch. I’ll just stay behind the door.
Tell me why don’t I go! I’m spending all my dough!
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Amazon made me buy, don’t you know. Can’t say no.
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, I got a new drone that flies. What a show. Watch it go.

Amazon made me buy, lots of new stuff
Amazon made me buy

But the more I bought, the less I had. My money had run out.
Then Alexa clued me in and told me what it’s all about
She said “You just have to sell some stuff then continue to checkout”
Now I gotta sell! I’m in consumer hell!
Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, my bank account is bone dry. It’s so low. Got no dough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Frozen pizza sold by the slice. It’s not good. Tastes like wood.

Amazon made me buy, things I don’t need
Amazon made me buy

I had no more stuff at home to sell and my credit was declined
So I stole from friends and neighbors. Yeah I robbed their houses blind
I’ll just fence their things to buy new stuff. Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind
Oh, whoa! All this grief! Am I a common thief?
Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, neighbors, I’m helping you all downsize, Got your stuff. Not enough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, The boxes are stacked waist high. I can’t see. Woe is me.

Amazon made me buy, I can’t help it
Amazon made me buy

Was it Amazon at my front door? I felt my face go pale
There were fifteen strong policemen come to throw my butt in jail
They said, “You can tell it to the Judge”. Yes it was an epic fail
Oh, I’m not feeling well! Locked in this prison cell!
Amazon made me buy, Judge
Oh it’s crazy, but Amazon made me buy, Let me go. Let me go!
Oh, Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Got a flamingo that’s twice my size. What the heck. I’m a wreck.
(music sting)
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Need a thing to make Italian ice. It’s so cold. Just like snow.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, Found a painting with creepy eyes. They just see. Look at me.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, Judge.
Oh, baby, Bought an elliptical for my thighs. Exercise. Buns and thighs.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Edith Piaf’s Nose

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Edith Piaf’s Nose


(parody of La Vie En Rose)

I’m a bit obsessed with Edith Piaf’s Nose… or at least that nasal singing.

      Edith Piaf's Nose (Joe J Thomas)

Edith Piaf's Nose

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Edith Piaf’s Nose 👃
Parody of “La Vie En Rose”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
She sings my blood starts racing fast
That nasal sound broadcast
It’s Edith Piaf’s nose
There’s a hole in either side
A schnoz I fantasize
’bout Edith Piaf’s nose
When her whiny singing starts
It pierces through my heart
And yet my ears hear doom
The music begins and there’s cotton to shove
Into my ears just to stop your shrill love song
My mind is finally steadfast
Your voice leaves me aghast
But I love your nose
…
You can’t give me what I ask
I’ll have a rhinoplast
To get Edith Piaf’s nose
Though it looks good on my face
No one can take your place
As Edith Piaf’s nose
When I thought that all was lost
I’d paid the doctor’s cost
You walked into the room
Our noses were certainly something to see
One was for you and the other for me
Now you sing and I’m bereft
I know true love is deaf
Edith Piaf’s nose!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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