Your legs go inside
The flames shoot out from your shell
Your feet on the gas
I sit on your back
You spin around and fly off
How do I stay on?
Asleep in the ice
Nuclear bombs crack the ground
Turtle head awakes
What if the virus had a newspaper?
Here’s the latest edition… in Spanish and English:
(click here for the English Edition)
El Periódico del Virus: Edición Pandémica
Autor: C. 19
¡Buenos días, mis amigos patógenos! Gracias por leer mi continua cobertura de nuestra guerra con la especie humana.
Para esta edición, quiero decir que, aunque las cosas parecen buenas, todavía queda mucho trabajo por hacer.
Primero, debemos continuar atacando a las personas cuando menos lo esperan. Cuando se tocan la cara, tosen o estornudan, o incluso cuando están demasiado cerca el uno del otro. ¡Este es el momento de atacar! Esté atento a las personas que no usan máscaras. Son los objetivos más fáciles.
Recuerda que la mayoría de las personas son muy estúpidas. Casi el cuarenta por ciento ni siquiera cree en nuestra existencia. Su estupidez es nuestra mejor arma.
Los mejores lugares para ir son la playa, barras, oficinas, y cada área que la gente reúne. Busca para grandes grupos en habitaciones pequeñas. Cuando estas allí, mira para personas que hablar o escupir mucho. Ellos son tu vehículo para extenderse más rápidamente.
“Pero C.”, se podría decir, “Yo solo soy un pequeño virus. ¿Qué puedo hacer para ayudar?
¡Son muchas cosas! Usa “FaceTime” – Ponerse en la cara de alguien. De allí, entra de los ojos, las fosas nasales, o dentro de la boca. Aquí tu viaje comienza… ¡Ahora, infectas! ¡Infectas! ¡Infectas!
Si tú te sientes solo, no te preocupes. Recuerda siempre tener tus hermanos y hermanas. Nosotros estamos allí para te ayudamos.
Para ayudarnos a todos a mantenernos enfocados en nuestra causa, se me ocurrió un lema que todos podemos usar:
“¡Estamos todos juntos en esto!”
The Virus Newspaper: Pandemic Edition
Author: C. 19
Good morning, my pathogenic friends! Thank you for reading my continued coverage of our war with the human species.
For this edition, I want to say that although things look good, there is still a lot of work to do.
First, we must continue to attack people when they least expect it. When they touch their faces, they cough or sneeze, or even when they are too close to each other. This is the time to attack! Watch out for people who do not wear masks. They are the easiest targets.
Remember that most people are very stupid. Almost forty percent do not even believe in our existence. Their stupidity is our best weapon.
The best places to go are the beach, bars, offices, and every area that people gather. Search for large groups in small rooms. When you are there, watch for people who talk or spit a lot. They are your vehicle to spread more quickly.
“But C.”, you might say, “I’m just a little virus. What can I do to help?
Are a lot of things! Use “FaceTime” – Put yourself on someone’s face. From there, enter the eyes, the nostrils, or into the mouth. Here your journey begins … Now, infect! Infect! Infect!
If you feel lonely, do not worry. Always remember to have your brothers and sisters. We are there to help you.
To help us all stay focused on our cause, I came up with a motto that we can all use:
“We are all in this together!”
(parody of Billy Joel’s “I May Be Crazy”)
Nouns… Verbs… Conjugation!
Learning Spanish for 3+ years. Wrote a song. You will listen to pay for my lessons!
(and if you don’t speak Spanish, badly translated lyrics are in this video 😉 )
—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---
Audio Only:
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
www.JoesDump.com
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
I’m Speaking Spanish
(parody of Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy”)
Friday night está viernes
What you want is qué quieres
And those too es esos tambíen
You say uno for a one
And El sol es por the sun
Aprendiendo para mi esta bien
When I say hola it means hello
Y abajo es way down below
Mi cerebro that is what you call my brain
Conducir is when I drive
Y llegar is to arrive
But I only use these words when I’m in Spain
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! Pero no sé qué palabras estoy buscando
It’s quite the sight, ‘cuz I’m not Hispanic
Yo escucho la radio all day and night
Well… I learned mi pelo is my hair
Corrí de osos, I ran from bears
It’s Kilómetros there instead of miles
We ate a tomate con pan
Then I fell en un volcan
Cuando violé la ley I was on trial
I held my breath till me puse azul
Martillo y clavos are some tools
El queso dice is what cheese has to say
El cielo está blue
Los dientes are to chew
No sabes dónde then you probably lost your way
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No entiendes de lo que estoy hablando
I’m really white, there’s no need to panic
You all know que estoy loco, and that’s a riot
(musical interlude)
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No sé nada de las cosas que te lo digo
My goal’s in sight, but I didn’t plan it
No conozco en mi barrio who’s up all night
A la derecha is on the right
Un submarino must be airtight
Muy blanca that’s very white
Si estás gordo you need a diet
En un vuelo is on a flight
Tu sabes alto is about your height
Muy silencio is very quiet
Vuelas una cometa fly a kite
Buenas noches that means goodnight…
There’s a lot of bad information out there about Covid-19 (Coronavirus) and Masks.
So, let’s try to set the record straight on Masks:
ALSO! Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face.
Got more advice? Feel free to comment below. And I will be deleting inaccurate comments. It’s my blog – deal with it!
Paranoia. Anxiety. Fear.
It’s normal for us to feel these things when a threat is nearby. I know many are feeling this with the Coronavirus (COVID-19).
I’ve got a secret that may help, and it stems from my being diagnosed as “Hypervigilant“.
Hypervigilance put simply means that I am overly aware of everything around me at all times. In a restaurant, for example, I will be listening to multiple conversations, watching people come and go, seeing what other tables are ordering, doing, etc. It can be exhausting to filter this much information. But there are ways to cope. Ways that may be of use in these pandemic times.
First and foremost is the realization that no single person can ever be completely “safe”. It’s a hard reality to face. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take precautions. Knowing where the line between “being cautious” and “being paranoid” can be tough to find.
So… here’s how it works for me:
Making peace with the world outside of ourselves is an individual journey. But when we become obsessed with others’ actions, as Shakespeare’s King Lear said:
“O, that way madness lies; let me shun that; No more of that.”
Stay safe, sane and healthy, my friends,
Joe
My old website had been neglected for a while. I needed a new, fresh look. And I needed the content to be easier to update. Maybe even have it automatically update!
One week ago I installed WordPress onto a sub-domain of my JoeActor site. This allowed me to work on the new site without disturbing the old one. Installation of WordPress was a breeze.
If you’re thinking “But, Joe, WordPress is only for blogging!” Well, yes and no. It has two types of content: Posts (used for blog entries) and Pages (static web pages). When you build a site using only Pages, it’s just another website. The advantages are it’s easier to maintain and updates automatically. Plus if you’d like to add a blog later on, it’s already built in.
Choosing a theme for my new site was next. For those of you new to WordPress, the theme is the look and feel of the site. Fonts, menus, etc. I selected the “OceanWP” theme. Very flexible, clean look, and adaptable to all devices (computers, tablets and phones).
The old site was a bit too complicated and required frequent content updates to stay relevant. To get around that, I decided to eliminate the “News” page. I also changed my “Resume” page to automatically display my IMDb information instead (there’s a plug-in for that!). This means that my new site will always be up-to-date on the resume and news, and it’s less complicated for visitors.
My final and most difficult task was to rewrite the home page. This is the first thing that visitors will see, so it’s very important. I worked with my wife and some friends for the “About” text. I also included my contact information and main demos. One new element is a rotating slide-show at the bottom. This shows companies I’ve worked with, projects, and major roles. New slides can be easily added as I land more work.
So, that’s it! The new site is up and can be viewed at JoeActor.com – take a peek and feel free to comment if you’d like.
And if you’re considering WordPress for your site, let me know in the comments as well. I’ll try to answer any questions here.
Cheers,
Joe J Thomas
JoeActor.com
Hey! I’m on vacation! Perfect time for a bout of bronchitis!
In the spirit of staying positive, here’s my top ten good things about it:
Bonus! Coughing is really good for the abs and core 😉
PENDANT PRODUCTIONS PROUDLY PRESENTS:
Seminar Episode 90: A Time To Seek And A Time To Lose…
When you need help, sometimes it comes from the places you least expect it.
Featuring “Avatar” by Lisa N. Michaud and “Hero Justice” by Joe J. Thomas!
(my story is the second half, but listen to the whole episode 😉 )
Episode Audio:
Commentary Audio:
Transcript available at pendantaudio.com (click here).
Release Date: December 11, 2019 Run Time: 33:09
~~~ Artwork (click each for full size) ~~~
~~~ Backstory ~~~
It all started with a beard…
I had grown a weird goatee and mustache combo (see SightLine’s photo), and decided to have some fun shaving half of each off. Then I photoshopped the laser eyes and a destroyed city. A few months later, I did the Genie photo on a whim. Then I found an old superhero mask (Bellyman), that I used for Brick Red.
So, armed with three odd pictures I did what anyone would do: I made a fake movie poster.
After that, it was just a matter of writing a story to go with it. Yeah, I do everything backwards.
Next up: Pitching the idea to Marvel and DC 😉
(wish me luck…)
~~~ Credits ~~~
Seminar Episode 90: A Time To Seek And A Time To Lose…
Featuring the voice talents of Kathryn Pryde as Alice, Dan Foster as Alex and Thomas, and Aiden Rudd as Zerash.
In “Avatar,” Bare Schacht was Soo, Jake Philips was Smith, Jack Pevyhouse was LeBlanc Dave Morgan was Prakesh, and Jess Herring was Jones. The story was written by Lisa N. Michaud.
In “Hero Justice”, Joel Nisbitt was Senior FBI Agent, Joshua Zedicker was Junior FBI Agent, Cindy Woods was Alice Azure, Russ Gold was Bond-Zero, and Joe J. Thomas was Carl Calderon and the Heroes. The story was written by Joe J. Thomas.
This episode was directed by VC Morrison and assistant-directed by Samantha Reed. The wrapper script and story were written by Kathryn Pryde, and the shorts and wrapper were edited by Jeffrey Bridges.
Music featured in this episode include the following: Hero Justice Theme Song by Joe J. Thomas, additional music and Seminar theme were written by VC Morrison, produced by Pendant Productions.
Seminar co-created by Kathryn Pryde and Jeffrey Bridges
Copyright 2019 Pendant Productions
Pendant Audio: Seminar – Also Available on (clicky-clicky):
Apple Podcasts/iTunes
Spotify
Google Play
Stitcher
Pendant Podcast feed (xml)
Pendant Show Page (Seminar)
Where to find Pendant Audio (more clicky-clicky):
Pendant Audio (main site)
Pendant on Yahoo
Pendant on Twitter
Pendant on Facebook
Pendant on Tumblr
Pendant on YouTube
Thanks for listening!
How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass
Normally on Joe’s Bassment, I sing a popular song in a lower key… But not this week!
I’m taking the “Joe’s Dump Nutcracker Challenge!” and doing this song in it’s original key… Including the highest note I’ve ever sung!
Dedicated to my lovely wife, here’s “If I Didn’t Care” by The Ink Spots and The Platters:
Enjoy!
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“If I Didn’t Care”
Cover version by: Joe J Thomas
Original by: The Ink Spots
If I didn’t care more than words can say
If I didn’t care would I feel this way?
If this isn’t love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go ’round and ’round
While my heart stands still?
If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?
Optional… Monologue:
If I didn’t care honey child, mo’ than words can say. If I didn’t care baby, would I feel this way? Darlin’ if this isn’t love, then why do I thrill so much? What is it that makes my head go ’round and ’round while my heart just stands still so much?
If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?
Parody of “The Winner Takes It All” by Abba and Carla Bruni
Are you a husband? Have you been dragged to the mall for “The Shopping”? If you’ve been there, this song’s for you…
Now airing on The Dr. Demento Show!
…and available for download and purchase at The FuMP!!!
Written and Sung by: Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Run time: 3:11
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
I don’t understand… What you want to buy here
Purses, clothes and shoes
Any way I lose
I’m carrying the bags… Anything for you, dear
Oh my aching back
I think it’s out of whack
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
It won’t fit in the car
I need to find a bar
Then we got some lunch… Something from the food court
I wanted Peiking Duck
But I was out of luck
The burger they served me… Wasn’t of the meat sort
It smelled of month-old grease
Could we just go home please?
And then she turned to me
As happy as can be
That’s when I knew for sure
That I must still endure
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
I’d better call the man
To bring a U-Haul van
Does she know I’m here? Why is she still shopping?
Maybe I should speak
My legs are getting weak
We’re never going home… There is just no stopping
Have I lost my mind?
Or just lost track of time?
My credit card’s aflame
I can’t recall my name
How long have we been here
It really seems like years
The room is spinning round
I tumble to the ground
The medics heard my call
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall