Under Construction (parody of “Eve of Destruction”)

Posted on January 12, 2022 by Joe's Dump

Under Construction

(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)

Available for purchase on The FuMP! (clicky-clicky)

*** soon to be heard on Dr. Demento! ***

The true story of my latest move and remodel… still in progress!

Audio:

UnderConstruction_JoesDump_JoeJThomas

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Under Construction
(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
They took my couch and now they’re loading
Into a truck but they don’t know where they’re going
There goes my bed and the dining table
I’d give ’em directions but I don’t think I’m able
And now I got a headache from this twisted fairy tale
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Just wait and see my place is under construction
…
My kitchen stove is stuck in Italy
Now there’s just a hole right where it should be
Not really much that I am seeking
Just gimme one toilet that works and isn’t leaking
Or a water heater capable of heating
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Oh can’t you see my home is under construction
…
Garbage disposal blew out my power
Been leaking like a sieve for over an hour
Now shipping man where’s my delivery
I’m hoping the forth one is just like it should be
Since they broke number two and they lost number three
Looking for someone got a package for me
But I’m so damn pissed that I can hardly see
Don’t you tell me over and over and over again, my friends
I’m living right here in this house that’s under construction
…
Can’t see no end to this home renovating
Used all our money and a touch of innovating
Got a place to sleep and a heater that heating
The plumbing is fine and there’s still a little leaking
I can’t complain but it’s sympathy I’m seeking
Just want a place where no workers are there peeping
And a nice hot meal without going out for taking
And I tell you over and over and over again, my friends
I’m kinda tired living life that’s under construction
I wanna be done with everything that’s under construction
~~~

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

High Speed Thinkin’ (parody of “Hot Rod Lincoln”)

Posted on October 22, 2021 by Joe's Dump

High Speed Thinkin’

Parody of “Hot Rod Lincoln” by Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen
Dedicated to the memory of George Frayne, aka Commander Cody (1944-2021)

Available for purchase on The FuMP! (clicky-clicky)

*** soon to be heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A song about a guy obsessed with energy drinks.

A comedy parody of a non-parody comedy… song.

Audio:

HighSpeedThinkin_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
High Speed Thinkin’
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
~~~
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
(music)
Started in college just before an exam; My brain’s overheatin’ in a mental jam
That coffee was goin’ down real smooth; Got all them neurons startin’ to move
(sting)
Followed it up with a Jolt or two; Heart was racin’, blood was too
Answers were comin’ hard and fast; Not sure how long that buzz would last
(sting)
Had a Monster stuck to both my hands; Five-Hour Energy joined the band
Was writin’ so fast, that pen got tired; The page below just caught fire
(sting)
Well I put that test in the rear-view mirror; My life ahead was filled with terror
Only one cure would ease my core; I had to go get more, more, more
(music)
Got a job to make them energy drinks; A constant supply to help me think
The boss looked me right in the eye; Go out and make them customers buy
(sting)
So I drove around and stocked the stores; Walked the streets and banged on doors
But the chief told me to hit the road; Seems that I drank more than I sold
(sting)
I started a company in my garage; Mixed up some stuff with an entourage
We sold it north, we sold it south; Them folks wanted more in their mouth
(sting)
I named my stuff Nuclear Fuel; You drank too much you’d act the fool
Guzzled that stuff, kept me smokin’; My brain grew larger, that’s no jokin’
(sting)
The stuff I made gave me the jitters; Thoughts were random little skitters
Friends and family looked concerned; That’s one more lesson I didn’t learn
(music)
I felt myself expand in space; Mind and body not held in place
Shot straight out away from earth; I was the soul of my own rebirth
(sting)
Looking down from way on high; Planets and stars whizzing by
Up ahead I saw a light; Way in the distance clear and bright
(sting)
Inside that light, well I met god; He looked at me like I was odd
It only took a flick of his hand; To send me back down to the earthly land
(sting)
Well it landed me in a hospital ward; Without my juice I just got bored
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
~~~

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

De Pronto Seymour

Posted on October 15, 2021 by Joe's Dump

De Pronto Seymour

This week I’m posting a cover version of “Suddenly Seymour” from the musical Little Shop of Horrors… but in Spanish!

Here’s the song, with my Audrey voice pitch-shifted up by an octave (yes, I sound like Miss Piggy):

De Pronto Seymour (pitch-shift cover song by Joe J Thomas)

… and one with just my original singing:

De Pronto Seymour (cover song by Joe J Thomas)

There were several challenges that went into this song:

Transcribing the Lyrics (couldn’t find an official version online)
Singing in Spanish, with correct pronunciation and emphasis
Harmonizing with myself
Pitch shifting my voice for Audrey’s part

I got a lot out of the exercise. Learned some new Spanish words, a new song, and some new production techniques. More tools for the toolbox. Or at least toys for the toybox.

Hope you enjoy it!
Joe

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
“De Pronto Seymour”
Spanish version of “Suddenly Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors
(transcribed from a version performed in Buenos Aires)
…
SEYMOUR
No estés así. Toma mi pañuelo. Limpiate el rimmel, los labios también.
Quiero mirar el alba en tus ojos. Estamos muy juntos, ya todo está bien.

De pronto Seymour está a tu lado. No más maquillaje, no más que esconder.
De pronto Seymour llegó para darte dulces palabras. Cuenta con él.

AUDREY
Yo a la ternura no conocía. Mamí era pobre, papá se nos fue.
Y cualquier hombre que aparecía; “vení” me decía y yo qué iba a hacer?
De pronto Seymour está a mi lado. A nada me obliga. Me sabe entender.
De pronto Seymour llegó para darme dulce consuelo, cuento con él.

SEYMOUR
Dime que esto que siento es eterno. Que ya ha pasado mi tiempo infeliz.

AUDREY
Seymour comprende que a los perdedores. No les es fácil gritar: “soy feliz”

AUDREY
De pronto Seymour
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
De pronto Seymour

AUDREY
Me purifica
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
Te purifica

AUDREY
De pronto Seymour
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
De pronto Seymour

AUDREY
Dice Podés
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
Sí, Podés!

AUDREY
Ser esa…
TODOS
Chica!

TODOS
La que soy por dentro

SEYMOUR
Él te comprende
AUDREY
Él me comprende

SEYMOUR
Muy tiernamente
AUDREY
Muy tiernamente

TODOS
Muy tiernamente

AUDREY
Mi hombre es Él!
OTROS
Tu hombre es Él!

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

Posted on September 23, 2021 by Joe's Dump

He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

Last and only promotional from The Wearable Cheese Council of Northern America (1892-1893)

–> CLICK HERE! to buy it on The FuMP! <--

*** as heard on the Dr. Demento Show! ***

(Audio version)

He Put Cheese On (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
He Put Cheese On
(to the tune of “And The Band Played On”)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
Charlie wore cheddar cause he wanted to bed her
Yes he put cheese on
With a collar of Swiss he would woo a young miss
When he put cheese on
The ladies paid homage to his clothes made of fromage
His cheesy demeanor was sharp
The dapper young suitor with a vest made of Goudah
He had put cheese on
…
He used camembert for a flair in his hair
Oh he combed cheese on
There was brie on his shoulder, for his shoes gorgonzola
Sure he put cheese on
She knew that he’d get her with his tie made from feta
Mozzarella suspenders he’d donned
They left out the back in a Monterey Jack
How they put cheese on
…
They’ve a gooey liaison on his couch of parmesan
And they got cheese on
As she fumbled and felt him his socks started melting
Oh they had cheese on
While removing their clothing she stopped with a loathing
His underwear caused her to turn
With that limburger smell she could certainly tell
That he put cheese on!

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

The Song Is You (cover song)

Posted on August 18, 2021 by Joe's Dump

The Song Is You

This week I’m posting a cover version of “The Song Is You”, as made popular by Frank Sinatra.

The song was composed by Jerome Kern with lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II for their musical “Music in the Air”

I like to keep my singing chops on par, so I try to challenge myself with new material.

Hope you enjoy it!

The Song Is You (Sinatra cover song by Joe J Thomas)

More info at: The Song Is You (Wikipedia)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
“The Song Is You”
…
I hear music when I look at you
A beautiful theme of every dream I ever knew
Down deep in my heart I hear it play
I can feel it start, then it melts away
…
I hear music when I touch your hand
A beautiful melody from some enchanted land
Down deep in my heart, I hear it say
“Is this the day?”
…
I alone have heard this lovely strain
I alone have heard this glad refrain
Must it be forever inside of me?
Why can’t I let it go? Why can’t I let you know?
…
Why can’t I let you know the song my heart would sing?
Beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring
The music is sweet, and the words are true
The song is you
[instrumental]
Why can’t I let you know the song my heart would sing?
That beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring
The music is sweet, and the words are true
The song is you

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

Posted on July 18, 2021 by Joe's Dump

Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

*** as heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A wholesome song about my favorite apple… or is it?

The reason the apple industry won’t hire Tom Jones.

A Triple Entendre Parody Song.

Audio:

PinkLady_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas

When I don’t know what I want, feeling hungry, feeling gaunt after dinner.
There is something in my place that I stick into my face that is a winner.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
I might have her in a pie, lookin’ yummy when she’s fried with something saucy
She is crunchy and she’s sweet, such a high fiber treat, her skin is glossy
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
When I’m at the supermarket know I always choose her
Always treat her with respect cause I don’t wanna bruise her
Sometimes when we get back home I put her in a juicer
She’s so versatile she could fill a whole buffet. Hey, hey, hey!
When I pop her in my mouth then I know what she’s about. She’s so delicious.
She got vitamins A and C, Riboflavin helps me see. She’s so nutritious.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Whoa whoa whoa! Eat a Lady!
Listen to me. I eat a Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Talkin’ about a Pink Lady.
Whoa whoa whoa! And that lady, oh that lady tastes fine…

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

Posted on June 7, 2021 by Joe's Dump

The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

–> CLICK HERE! to buy it on The FuMP! <--

(Audio version)

The Like Ship! (Joe J Thomas)

–> Buy it on The FuMP! (click here)

The Like Ship
(Prequel to The Love Boat)
Pilot Episode Theme Song

In 1990, after a successful 10 year run of “The Love Boat” the producers decided to make a prequel: “The Like Ship”

Pitch: Like “Love Boat”, but with dogs.

It was an utter disaster.

This theme song is all that remains…

(dedicated to the memory of Gavin MacLeod 1931-2021)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
(vo) Love Boat prequel “The Like Ship”, pilot episode, reel 1…
Like… Your balls may turn blue
She’s so hot, but not into you!
And Like… You just wanna score
We all know, it’s not her it’s you!
The Like Ship! Everyone thinks that you’re just no fun
It’s Friendship! Just stick a fork in you ’cause you’re done
There’s no course to adventure, you won’t get a second chance
And Like… No need to feel sore
It’s a wave goodbye from a closing door
It’s LIKE!
You will be bored with LIKE!

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Have A Covid Lockdown Xmas! (parody song)

Posted on October 2, 2020 by Joe's Dump

Have A Covid Lockdown Xmas!

Parody of “Have A Holly Jolly Xmas” by Burl Ives

It’s Burl Ives as you’ve never heard him!
(because it’s not him…)

—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---

Audio Only:

CovidLockdownXmas_JoesDump

Video at:

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

I’m A Virus (parody song)

Posted on June 23, 2020 by Joe's Dump

I’m A Virus

Parody of “I’m On Fire” by Bruce Springsteen

What can I do with the creepiest song by Springsteen? Make it creepier, of course!

As heard on Dr. Demento!

—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---

Audio Only:

ImAVirus_JoesDump

Video at:

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

¡I’m Speaking Spanish!

Posted on May 11, 2020 by Joe's Dump

¡I’m Speaking Spanish!

(parody of Billy Joel’s “I May Be Crazy”)

Nouns… Verbs… Conjugation!
Learning Spanish for 3+ years. Wrote a song. You will listen to pay for my lessons!

(and if you don’t speak Spanish, badly translated lyrics are in this video 😉 )

—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---

Audio Only:

ImSpeakingSpanish_JoesDump

— Lyrics —
I’m Speaking Spanish
(parody of Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy”)

Friday night está viernes
What you want is qué quieres
And those too es esos tambíen
You say uno for a one
And El sol es por the sun
Aprendiendo para mi esta bien
When I say hola it means hello
Y abajo es way down below
Mi cerebro that is what you call my brain
Conducir is when I drive
Y llegar is to arrive
But I only use these words when I’m in Spain
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! Pero no sé qué palabras estoy buscando
It’s quite the sight, ‘cuz I’m not Hispanic
Yo escucho la radio all day and night
Well… I learned mi pelo is my hair
Corrí de osos, I ran from bears
It’s Kilómetros there instead of miles
We ate a tomate con pan
Then I fell en un volcan
Cuando violé la ley I was on trial
I held my breath till me puse azul
Martillo y clavos are some tools
El queso dice is what cheese has to say
El cielo está blue
Los dientes are to chew
No sabes dónde then you probably lost your way
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No entiendes de lo que estoy hablando
I’m really white, there’s no need to panic
You all know que estoy loco, and that’s a riot
(musical interlude)
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No sé nada de las cosas que te lo digo
My goal’s in sight, but I didn’t plan it
No conozco en mi barrio who’s up all night
A la derecha is on the right
Un submarino must be airtight
Muy blanca that’s very white
Si estás gordo you need a diet
En un vuelo is on a flight
Tu sabes alto is about your height
Muy silencio is very quiet
Vuelas una cometa fly a kite
Buenas noches that means goodnight…

Under Construction

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

High Speed Thinkin’

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

De Pronto Seymour

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

The Song Is You

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

Have A Covid Lockdown Xmas!

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

I’m A Virus

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this:

¡I’m Speaking Spanish!

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

Like this: