Tag Archives: Comedy

It’s A Gecko (parody)

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It’s A Gecko (parody)


(parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)

If Elvis sang about insurance mascots, it might go something like this…

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      It's A Gecko (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
It’s A Gecko
(Parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas
…
In a boardroom. A marketing wizard with a British lizard,
Came up with a thing for insurance-ing, it’s a Gecko.
For your home and car. You may wonder if he’s from the swamp.
But his voice is filled with that kinda pomp from the Grotto
Now you gotta understand, This guy ain’t no Caveman.
He don’t compete with Emu’s or a waitress named Flo
He is made from lizard meat, With some really funky feet.
And that accent may be Brit or Aussie but it ain’t no status quo.
He can save you cash. He’ll just bundle it up into a package.
Just in case your car gets in some smack-age. He’s that Gecko
It’s an ad campaign. He can ride on a horse in a boxing ring.
He may hip-hop dance or even sing. From a libretto
Who knows just what we’ll see next. Will they shoot him into space?
Run for office with Lady Gaga. Or play the cello with Yo-Yo Ma?
And the ad’s go on. Something makes me keep on watching.
Are they for real or only joshing. With a Gecko
I don’t understand. What insurance has to do with reptiles.
Is it just an odd commercial style? ‘Bout a Gecko
It’s a Gecko.
In Stilettos. Sings Falsetto. Eating Neccos. In The Meadow.
It’s a Gecko.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)


(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)

Sushi-Oh’s!

The Sushi Breakfast Cereal with the World’s First Great Taste of Fish!

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Sushi-Oh's! Cereal (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Sushi-Oh’s!
(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
Want a breakfast cereal, with plenty of Omega 3’s
Lots of fresh ingredients, comin’ straight out da sea
Got crispy rice and tuna, seaweed bits and salmon
When I pop ‘em in my mouth, well you know my tongue be jammin’
…
Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!
…
Eat ‘em up with soy milk, sometimes straight outta da box
Just like chirashi, or maybe they’re more like lox
Chewy bits of edamame, shucked out their little pods
It’s so dang delicious, just like cereal from the gods
…
Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! (hey!) I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!
…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Defeat of the Spanish Armada (parody)

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Defeat of the Spanish Armada


(parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot)

Dedicated to my wife, who’s excuse for everything that goes wrong in Spain is The Defeat of the Spanish Armada… as written by my 7 1/2 year-old self.

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Defeat of the Spanish Armada (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Defeat of the Spanish Armada
parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

When I was a lad t’was one thing made me sad. Them lessons t’were all about history.
With memorized names, all the dates seemed the same. The whole bloody thing was a mystery.
One summer my task that the teacher had asked was a subject of which I knew nada
So I made up a tale and set it to sail ‘bout the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

One ship hit the bank and another one sank when the keelhaul was nibbled by otters
A monster at sea took another twenty three in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One Capitan at night had his beard set alight and he scuttled his ship to the bottom
As it went down in flames it dragged ten more in chains in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

A nearsighted sailor thought he spotted a failure in the hull that was under the water
He went down with an axe and he never came back from the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
They passed through a geyser chock full of papaya and a fruity wave of piñatas
Fourteen of them wood boats they no longer could float in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

T’was possession by demons for half of the seaman. They went mad and demanded horchatas
The devils and imps were all turned into chimps for the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
I finished my story and the teacher looked worried then called for my mama and dada
She told them I failed and my future had sailed with the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Amazon Made Me Buy (parody)

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Amazon Made Me Buy


(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)

I may have an Amazon addiction… maybe…

Audio:

      Amazon Made Me Buy (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Amazon Made Me Buy
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
Amazon made me buy, don’t you know now
Amazon made me buy

Even though I could just walk outside and get stuff from a store
It’s just so damn inefficient, shopping always leaves me bored
I don’t even need to leave the couch. I’ll just stay behind the door.
Tell me why don’t I go! I’m spending all my dough!
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Amazon made me buy, don’t you know. Can’t say no.
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, I got a new drone that flies. What a show. Watch it go.

Amazon made me buy, lots of new stuff
Amazon made me buy

But the more I bought, the less I had. My money had run out.
Then Alexa clued me in and told me what it’s all about
She said “You just have to sell some stuff then continue to checkout”
Now I gotta sell! I’m in consumer hell!
Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, my bank account is bone dry. It’s so low. Got no dough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Frozen pizza sold by the slice. It’s not good. Tastes like wood.

Amazon made me buy, things I don’t need
Amazon made me buy

I had no more stuff at home to sell and my credit was declined
So I stole from friends and neighbors. Yeah I robbed their houses blind
I’ll just fence their things to buy new stuff. Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind
Oh, whoa! All this grief! Am I a common thief?
Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, neighbors, I’m helping you all downsize, Got your stuff. Not enough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, The boxes are stacked waist high. I can’t see. Woe is me.

Amazon made me buy, I can’t help it
Amazon made me buy

Was it Amazon at my front door? I felt my face go pale
There were fifteen strong policemen come to throw my butt in jail
They said, “You can tell it to the Judge”. Yes it was an epic fail
Oh, I’m not feeling well! Locked in this prison cell!
Amazon made me buy, Judge
Oh it’s crazy, but Amazon made me buy, Let me go. Let me go!
Oh, Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Got a flamingo that’s twice my size. What the heck. I’m a wreck.
(music sting)
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Need a thing to make Italian ice. It’s so cold. Just like snow.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, Found a painting with creepy eyes. They just see. Look at me.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, Judge.
Oh, baby, Bought an elliptical for my thighs. Exercise. Buns and thighs.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Edith Piaf’s Nose

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Edith Piaf’s Nose


(parody of La Vie En Rose)

I’m a bit obsessed with Edith Piaf’s Nose… or at least that nasal singing.

      Edith Piaf's Nose (Joe J Thomas)

Edith Piaf's Nose

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Edith Piaf’s Nose 👃
Parody of “La Vie En Rose”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
She sings my blood starts racing fast
That nasal sound broadcast
It’s Edith Piaf’s nose
There’s a hole in either side
A schnoz I fantasize
’bout Edith Piaf’s nose
When her whiny singing starts
It pierces through my heart
And yet my ears hear doom
The music begins and there’s cotton to shove
Into my ears just to stop your shrill love song
My mind is finally steadfast
Your voice leaves me aghast
But I love your nose
…
You can’t give me what I ask
I’ll have a rhinoplast
To get Edith Piaf’s nose
Though it looks good on my face
No one can take your place
As Edith Piaf’s nose
When I thought that all was lost
I’d paid the doctor’s cost
You walked into the room
Our noses were certainly something to see
One was for you and the other for me
Now you sing and I’m bereft
I know true love is deaf
Edith Piaf’s nose!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Under Construction (parody of “Eve of Destruction”)

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Under Construction


(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)

Available for purchase on The FuMP! (clicky-clicky)

*** soon to be heard on Dr. Demento! ***

The true story of my latest move and remodel… still in progress!

Audio:

      UnderConstruction_JoesDump_JoeJThomas

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Under Construction
(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
They took my couch and now they’re loading
Into a truck but they don’t know where they’re going
There goes my bed and the dining table
I’d give ’em directions but I don’t think I’m able
And now I got a headache from this twisted fairy tale
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Just wait and see my place is under construction
…
My kitchen stove is stuck in Italy
Now there’s just a hole right where it should be
Not really much that I am seeking
Just gimme one toilet that works and isn’t leaking
Or a water heater capable of heating
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Oh can’t you see my home is under construction
…
Garbage disposal blew out my power
Been leaking like a sieve for over an hour
Now shipping man where’s my delivery
I’m hoping the forth one is just like it should be
Since they broke number two and they lost number three
Looking for someone got a package for me
But I’m so damn pissed that I can hardly see
Don’t you tell me over and over and over again, my friends
I’m living right here in this house that’s under construction
…
Can’t see no end to this home renovating
Used all our money and a touch of innovating
Got a place to sleep and a heater that heating
The plumbing is fine and there’s still a little leaking
I can’t complain but it’s sympathy I’m seeking
Just want a place where no workers are there peeping
And a nice hot meal without going out for taking
And I tell you over and over and over again, my friends
I’m kinda tired living life that’s under construction
I wanna be done with everything that’s under construction
~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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How The Grimch Stopped Sessions

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How The Grimch Stopped Sessions


A Xmas Tale for all of the Voice Actors in VO-Ville 😉

—— Script ——
~~~
How The Grimch Stopped Sessions
A Xmas Tale for all of the Voice Actors in VO-Ville 😉
~~~
News Anchor (fade in): …and I’m your anchor Joe J Thomas wishing you a Happy Christmas 1966. Be sure to stay tuned for our new special, up next on participating stations.
(station id): CBS presents this program in color.
Announcer (music under):
How The Grimch Stopped Sessions
Brought to you by the fine cheese food like products of Krapf.
If you think it kinda might taste like cheese, it’s probably Krapf.
Singers: K.R.A.P.F.!
Narrator:
All the VOs down in VO-Ville liked sessions a lot
But the Grimch, who lived just outside VO-Ville, did not
To look at the Grimch you’d see such a sight
He spells it with an “M” to avoid copyright
Everything one and two that he ventures to do
Makes ear-splitting sounds from wig to wazoo.
One wish would make the VOs day such a joy
A nice quiet time to record with their toys
They talk to their Neumann, Sennheiser and Rode
From their foam padded mass vinyl boxes enclosed
They speak to producers and clients and such
Who direct them and coach them and pay them so much
But the Grimch doesn’t like any of this
He listens, or not, then says with a hiss
“These sessions are all a big bother and fuss”
“I’ll make so much noise that those VOs will all cuss!”
He turns on his bamhammer, blowwinder and boomer
Starts up his highscreamer, sireener, and vroomzoomer
The Grimch has noisewhiners that pierce through the heads
Of all the quiet VOs still sleeping in beds
Song:
You’re a loud one, Mr Grimch.
You’re a noisy woisey fool
You’ve got blowy, go-ey gadgets and a load of bangy tools, Mr Grimch!
Living next door to you is a 24 hour construction zone!
Narrator:
The Grimch did his worst, then turned for a look
The VOs hadn’t stopped, with new jobs that they’d booked
And a new thought appeared in his loud Grimchy head
Perhaps instead of such clatter there’s something better instead.
Maybe a rake or a broom would be nicer than blowing…
Then the Grimch said “Nah!” and continued his mowing!
(music to fade out)
—— fin! ——

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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High Speed Thinkin’ (parody of “Hot Rod Lincoln”)

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High Speed Thinkin’


Parody of “Hot Rod Lincoln” by Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen
Dedicated to the memory of George Frayne, aka Commander Cody (1944-2021)

Available for purchase on The FuMP! (clicky-clicky)

*** soon to be heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A song about a guy obsessed with energy drinks.

A comedy parody of a non-parody comedy… song.

Audio:

      HighSpeedThinkin_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
High Speed Thinkin’
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
~~~
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
(music)
Started in college just before an exam; My brain’s overheatin’ in a mental jam
That coffee was goin’ down real smooth; Got all them neurons startin’ to move
(sting)
Followed it up with a Jolt or two; Heart was racin’, blood was too
Answers were comin’ hard and fast; Not sure how long that buzz would last
(sting)
Had a Monster stuck to both my hands; Five-Hour Energy joined the band
Was writin’ so fast, that pen got tired; The page below just caught fire
(sting)
Well I put that test in the rear-view mirror; My life ahead was filled with terror
Only one cure would ease my core; I had to go get more, more, more
(music)
Got a job to make them energy drinks; A constant supply to help me think
The boss looked me right in the eye; Go out and make them customers buy
(sting)
So I drove around and stocked the stores; Walked the streets and banged on doors
But the chief told me to hit the road; Seems that I drank more than I sold
(sting)
I started a company in my garage; Mixed up some stuff with an entourage
We sold it north, we sold it south; Them folks wanted more in their mouth
(sting)
I named my stuff Nuclear Fuel; You drank too much you’d act the fool
Guzzled that stuff, kept me smokin’; My brain grew larger, that’s no jokin’
(sting)
The stuff I made gave me the jitters; Thoughts were random little skitters
Friends and family looked concerned; That’s one more lesson I didn’t learn
(music)
I felt myself expand in space; Mind and body not held in place
Shot straight out away from earth; I was the soul of my own rebirth
(sting)
Looking down from way on high; Planets and stars whizzing by
Up ahead I saw a light; Way in the distance clear and bright
(sting)
Inside that light, well I met god; He looked at me like I was odd
It only took a flick of his hand; To send me back down to the earthly land
(sting)
Well it landed me in a hospital ward; Without my juice I just got bored
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

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He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

Last and only promotional from The Wearable Cheese Council of Northern America (1892-1893)

–> CLICK HERE! to buy it on The FuMP! <--

*** as heard on the Dr. Demento Show! ***

(Audio version)

      He Put Cheese On (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
He Put Cheese On
(to the tune of “And The Band Played On”)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
Charlie wore cheddar cause he wanted to bed her
Yes he put cheese on
With a collar of Swiss he would woo a young miss
When he put cheese on
The ladies paid homage to his clothes made of fromage
His cheesy demeanor was sharp
The dapper young suitor with a vest made of Goudah
He had put cheese on
…
He used camembert for a flair in his hair
Oh he combed cheese on
There was brie on his shoulder, for his shoes gorgonzola
Sure he put cheese on
She knew that he’d get her with his tie made from feta
Mozzarella suspenders he’d donned
They left out the back in a Monterey Jack
How they put cheese on
…
They’ve a gooey liaison on his couch of parmesan
And they got cheese on
As she fumbled and felt him his socks started melting
Oh they had cheese on
While removing their clothing she stopped with a loathing
His underwear caused her to turn
With that limburger smell she could certainly tell
That he put cheese on!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Spain: Witness Protection Program

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Spain: Witness Protection Program

Since I’ve been in Spain, I’ve uncovered a deep plot to relocate mascots from the USA. I suspect the CIA is involved, in cooperation with local Spanish government officials.

For decades, the USA and Spain have been hiding mascots in their Witness Protection Program. Joe’s Dump blows the lid on this exclusive story!

The evidence is sparse, but here’s what I have so far…

Mr. Clean aka “Don Limpio“

Mr. Clean

Mr. Clean
Don Limpio

Don Limpio

This guy’s pretty bold. Same line of work, same look. I’m surprised he hasn’t been apprehended yet, but it seems his record is squeaky clean. To his credit, he’s changed a bunch of times: aka “Mr. Proper” aka “Maestro Limpio” aka “Mastro Lindo” aka “Meister Proper” aka “Pan Proper” aka “Mister Proper” aka “M. Net” aka “Monsieur Propre”…

Laughing Cow aka “La Vaca Que Ríe“

Laughing Cow

Laughing Cow
La Vaca Que Ríe

La Vaca Que Ríe

You’d be laughing too if you got to be pampered like this cow. A little hard to spot, but I think she got a nose job with the relocation.

Spongebob Squarepants aka “Bob Esponja“

Spongebob Squarepants

Spongebob Squarepants
Bob Esponja

Bob Esponja

Evidence is a bit sketchy. Could only find an artist’s rendering on SBSP.

Buzz “Honeynut” Bee aka “(Abeja) Miel Pops“

Buzz "Honeynut" Bee

Buzz “Honeynut” Bee
(Abeja) Miel Pops

(Abeja) Miel Pops

Easily the best disguise of the bunch. Plastic surgery, new outfit, plus… glasses. Even moved from one company to another. Top notch work by the operatives on this one.

Conclusion:
… I’m not sure where this rabbit hole will eventually lead, but if you tell anyone I told you, I’ll deny everything.

You’ve been warned.

— José Basurero

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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