My One-Eyed Love (parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
My One-Eyed Love (parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
The sailor man who always smokes a corncob pipe
A spinach can, fortifies that man
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! Popeye!
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
An oddly deep cleft chin and really beefy arms
Got a magic Jeep, and a baby named Swee’Pea
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
(music interlude with quotes)
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Olive Oyl will never keep him from my side
Bluto is my name, call me Brutus just the same
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
(well, blows me down!) (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
There just aren’t enough Krampus holiday songs out there…
I’m here to fix that!
Blue Krampus by Joe J Thomas
Happy Holidays! Every! Damn! One!
Blue Krampus (parody of “Blue Xmas” by Elvis)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Blue Krampus (parody of “Blue Xmas” by Elvis)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
I’ll have a blue Krampus without you
The Easter crew dyes eggs in fun hues
On the Fourth of July, fireworks in the sky
Won’t be the same, dear, as Valentines gone by
Oktoberfest’s not best when you’re gone
And Halloween will mask me until dawn
Hanukkah dreidels spin but it’s still not a win
Because you up and left me on Xmas
…
Spoken: Oh my darlin’. You know it’s like that ole’ Krampus visits me every day since you’re gone. I miss you so much. Even if you just threw a shoe at my head, or dunked me in your drowning tub… it’d be way better than this!
…
It’s like groundhog day’s here
But you’re still nowhere near
Because you up and left me on Xmas
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
— Reverend Blue Jeans – Misheard Lyrics —
(lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas)
Monkey socks – Just a thing with pants I draw with chalk
And if you’d like to have a beer we’ll see. Why I drink tea with Reverend Blue Jeans
Funny feet – Oh ain’t they things that you would never eat
But they’re a bargain that won’t go away. Still dressed today in Leather and Blue Jeans
You might be right, it’s outta sight to retire when we’re closing our eyes
I think I found somethin’ round that’s a tartan surprise
Bunny Fox – She’s a dancer that nobody mocks
There is nothing there to fear or flee. It’s two or three, but Never in Blue Jeans
And mystery meat – You know it’s comin’ for your comfy seat
But there’s a warden that don’t wanna play. He’ll have his way, Whatever in Blue Jeans, babe
I need a light. I’ll have a bite of a tire to the bone of that thigh
Cannot abound what I found in his pantry surprise
Runny Clocks! – When they’re seen the people gotta talk
Don’t you ever shed a tear for bees. Or birds or trees A Rebel in Blue Jeans
But those garden fees they pave the way for Tina Fey’s endeavor in Blue Jeans, babe
With zero down and lower annual fees, they’d only be The Blathering Blue Jeans, babe
There’s a body that will just not stay entombed today. Cadaver in Blue Jeans, babe
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
It’s A Gecko
(Parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas
…
In a boardroom. A marketing wizard with a British lizard,
Came up with a thing for insurance-ing, it’s a Gecko.
For your home and car. You may wonder if he’s from the swamp.
But his voice is filled with that kinda pomp from the Grotto
Now you gotta understand, This guy ain’t no Caveman.
He don’t compete with Emu’s or a waitress named Flo
He is made from lizard meat, With some really funky feet.
And that accent may be Brit or Aussie but it ain’t no status quo.
He can save you cash. He’ll just bundle it up into a package.
Just in case your car gets in some smack-age. He’s that Gecko
It’s an ad campaign. He can ride on a horse in a boxing ring.
He may hip-hop dance or even sing. From a libretto
Who knows just what we’ll see next. Will they shoot him into space?
Run for office with Lady Gaga. Or play the cello with Yo-Yo Ma?
And the ad’s go on. Something makes me keep on watching.
Are they for real or only joshing. With a Gecko
I don’t understand. What insurance has to do with reptiles.
Is it just an odd commercial style? ‘Bout a Gecko
It’s a Gecko.
In Stilettos. Sings Falsetto. Eating Neccos. In The Meadow.
It’s a Gecko.
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Sushi-Oh’s!
(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
Want a breakfast cereal, with plenty of Omega 3’s
Lots of fresh ingredients, comin’ straight out da sea
Got crispy rice and tuna, seaweed bits and salmon
When I pop ‘em in my mouth, well you know my tongue be jammin’
…
Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!
…
Eat ‘em up with soy milk, sometimes straight outta da box
Just like chirashi, or maybe they’re more like lox
Chewy bits of edamame, shucked out their little pods
It’s so dang delicious, just like cereal from the gods
…
Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! (hey!) I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!
…
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Dedicated to all my friends and neighbors who believe the USA is headed into darker times…
Audio:
Vote For Our Rights (Joe J Thomas)
“Vote For Our Rights”
(parody song of Times Of Your Life by Paul Anka)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas
Published Independence Day, July 4th, 2022
Lyrics:
Farewell my USA. I woke up, when rights were stripped away.
Mass shootings happen all the time. It’s hard to change some people’s minds.
Remember, will you remember?
…
Our days are ruled by fear. No longer those golden yesteryears.
The good things now have all been seen. And people are angry and mean.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights.
…
They pack the courts and fix elections.
With power and money on their minds.
Scandals ‘bout men and their erections.
But when they are pressed give deflections.
…
Now here’s the saddest part; Our country is run by white old farts.
Their 1950’s state of mind is out of touch with modern times.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights?
…
The future’s in our hands. I really hope that you understand.
If we don’t do more than complain the country’s headed down the drain.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights?
For our rights…
Vote for our rights, vote for our rights.
For our rights…
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Defeat of the Spanish Armada
parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
When I was a lad t’was one thing made me sad. Them lessons t’were all about history.
With memorized names, all the dates seemed the same. The whole bloody thing was a mystery.
One summer my task that the teacher had asked was a subject of which I knew nada
So I made up a tale and set it to sail ‘bout the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One ship hit the bank and another one sank when the keelhaul was nibbled by otters
A monster at sea took another twenty three in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One Capitan at night had his beard set alight and he scuttled his ship to the bottom
As it went down in flames it dragged ten more in chains in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
A nearsighted sailor thought he spotted a failure in the hull that was under the water
He went down with an axe and he never came back from the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
They passed through a geyser chock full of papaya and a fruity wave of piñatas
Fourteen of them wood boats they no longer could float in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
T’was possession by demons for half of the seaman. They went mad and demanded horchatas
The devils and imps were all turned into chimps for the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
I finished my story and the teacher looked worried then called for my mama and dada
She told them I failed and my future had sailed with the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
I may have an Amazon addiction… maybe…
Audio:
Amazon Made Me Buy (Joe J Thomas)
Video:
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Amazon Made Me Buy
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
Amazon made me buy, don’t you know now
Amazon made me buy
Even though I could just walk outside and get stuff from a store
It’s just so damn inefficient, shopping always leaves me bored
I don’t even need to leave the couch. I’ll just stay behind the door.
Tell me why don’t I go! I’m spending all my dough!
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Amazon made me buy, don’t you know. Can’t say no.
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, I got a new drone that flies. What a show. Watch it go.
Amazon made me buy, lots of new stuff
Amazon made me buy
But the more I bought, the less I had. My money had run out.
Then Alexa clued me in and told me what it’s all about
She said “You just have to sell some stuff then continue to checkout”
Now I gotta sell! I’m in consumer hell!
Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, my bank account is bone dry. It’s so low. Got no dough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Frozen pizza sold by the slice. It’s not good. Tastes like wood.
Amazon made me buy, things I don’t need
Amazon made me buy
I had no more stuff at home to sell and my credit was declined
So I stole from friends and neighbors. Yeah I robbed their houses blind
I’ll just fence their things to buy new stuff. Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind
Oh, whoa! All this grief! Am I a common thief?
Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, neighbors, I’m helping you all downsize, Got your stuff. Not enough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, The boxes are stacked waist high. I can’t see. Woe is me.
Amazon made me buy, I can’t help it
Amazon made me buy
Was it Amazon at my front door? I felt my face go pale
There were fifteen strong policemen come to throw my butt in jail
They said, “You can tell it to the Judge”. Yes it was an epic fail
Oh, I’m not feeling well! Locked in this prison cell!
Amazon made me buy, Judge
Oh it’s crazy, but Amazon made me buy, Let me go. Let me go!
Oh, Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Got a flamingo that’s twice my size. What the heck. I’m a wreck.
(music sting)
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Need a thing to make Italian ice. It’s so cold. Just like snow.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, Found a painting with creepy eyes. They just see. Look at me.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, Judge.
Oh, baby, Bought an elliptical for my thighs. Exercise. Buns and thighs.
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
I’m a bit obsessed with Edith Piaf’s Nose… or at least that nasal singing.
Edith Piaf's Nose (Joe J Thomas)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Edith Piaf’s Nose 👃
Parody of “La Vie En Rose”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
She sings my blood starts racing fast
That nasal sound broadcast
It’s Edith Piaf’s nose
There’s a hole in either side
A schnoz I fantasize
’bout Edith Piaf’s nose
When her whiny singing starts
It pierces through my heart
And yet my ears hear doom
The music begins and there’s cotton to shove
Into my ears just to stop your shrill love song
My mind is finally steadfast
Your voice leaves me aghast
But I love your nose
…
You can’t give me what I ask
I’ll have a rhinoplast
To get Edith Piaf’s nose
Though it looks good on my face
No one can take your place
As Edith Piaf’s nose
When I thought that all was lost
I’d paid the doctor’s cost
You walked into the room
Our noses were certainly something to see
One was for you and the other for me
Now you sing and I’m bereft
I know true love is deaf
Edith Piaf’s nose!
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
The true story of my latest move and remodel… still in progress!
Audio:
UnderConstruction_JoesDump_JoeJThomas
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Under Construction
(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
They took my couch and now they’re loading
Into a truck but they don’t know where they’re going
There goes my bed and the dining table
I’d give ’em directions but I don’t think I’m able
And now I got a headache from this twisted fairy tale
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Just wait and see my place is under construction
…
My kitchen stove is stuck in Italy
Now there’s just a hole right where it should be
Not really much that I am seeking
Just gimme one toilet that works and isn’t leaking
Or a water heater capable of heating
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Oh can’t you see my home is under construction
…
Garbage disposal blew out my power
Been leaking like a sieve for over an hour
Now shipping man where’s my delivery
I’m hoping the forth one is just like it should be
Since they broke number two and they lost number three
Looking for someone got a package for me
But I’m so damn pissed that I can hardly see
Don’t you tell me over and over and over again, my friends
I’m living right here in this house that’s under construction
…
Can’t see no end to this home renovating
Used all our money and a touch of innovating
Got a place to sleep and a heater that heating
The plumbing is fine and there’s still a little leaking
I can’t complain but it’s sympathy I’m seeking
Just want a place where no workers are there peeping
And a nice hot meal without going out for taking
And I tell you over and over and over again, my friends
I’m kinda tired living life that’s under construction
I wanna be done with everything that’s under construction
~~~
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
