Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
*** as heard on Dr. Demento! ***
A wholesome song about my favorite apple… or is it?
The reason the apple industry won’t hire Tom Jones.
A Triple Entendre Parody Song.
Audio:
PinkLady_JoesDump
Video (with Closed Captions):
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
When I don’t know what I want, feeling hungry, feeling gaunt after dinner.
There is something in my place that I stick into my face that is a winner.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
I might have her in a pie, lookin’ yummy when she’s fried with something saucy
She is crunchy and she’s sweet, such a high fiber treat, her skin is glossy
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
When I’m at the supermarket know I always choose her
Always treat her with respect cause I don’t wanna bruise her
Sometimes when we get back home I put her in a juicer
She’s so versatile she could fill a whole buffet. Hey, hey, hey!
When I pop her in my mouth then I know what she’s about. She’s so delicious.
She got vitamins A and C, Riboflavin helps me see. She’s so nutritious.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Whoa whoa whoa! Eat a Lady!
Listen to me. I eat a Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Talkin’ about a Pink Lady.
Whoa whoa whoa! And that lady, oh that lady tastes fine…
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Ruby You're Just A Circus Clown (Joe J Thomas)
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown
parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas
…
You painted up your face and you put on a frizzy wig
Ruby you know nobody wears shoes that are so big
You crammed into that tiny car with all your friends in town
Oh Ruby, you’re just a circus clown
…
I know you like to leave the crowds clamoring for more
But when you aren’t at work most times you’re just a crashing bore
And though I like that circus made entirely of fleas
Oh Ruby, you still suck at puppetry
…
That first day that we fell in love I was so hypnotized
You smiled at me but now there’s something that I realize
That lipstick makes it look like you have got a droopy frown
Oh Ruby, you’re still a circus clown
…
I know you care ‘cuz I just heard the honking of your horn
The way you squirt me with a flower makes our love feel reborn
Give me a rubber nose and we can both go paint the town
Oh Ruby, make me a circus clown
Oh Ruby, let’s turn that frown around
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
The Like Ship
(Prequel to The Love Boat)
Pilot Episode Theme Song
In 1990, after a successful 10 year run of “The Love Boat” the producers decided to make a prequel: “The Like Ship”
Pitch: Like “Love Boat”, but with dogs.
It was an utter disaster.
This theme song is all that remains…
(dedicated to the memory of Gavin MacLeod 1931-2021)
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
(vo) Love Boat prequel “The Like Ship”, pilot episode, reel 1…
Like… Your balls may turn blue
She’s so hot, but not into you!
And Like… You just wanna score
We all know, it’s not her it’s you!
The Like Ship! Everyone thinks that you’re just no fun
It’s Friendship! Just stick a fork in you ’cause you’re done
There’s no course to adventure, you won’t get a second chance
And Like… No need to feel sore
It’s a wave goodbye from a closing door
It’s LIKE!
You will be bored with LIKE!
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“Have You Killed Me?”
Parody: of “Have You Seen Her?” by the Chi-Lites
By Joe J Thomas
Ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah… Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…
One year ago today, I was hired to play a part
My job as a voice actor, talkin’ to a mic, recording in the dark
Doin’ a character in a video game, the one the children play
For me, it was just another gig, but they play that shit every day
They all follow me online, They seem to know my name
I get likes and comments, But it still doesn’t ease my pain
There’s no way I can beat ‘em, They’ll play ‘til their brains are fried
I keep sayin’ I’ll win someday, Seems I’m just not qualified
Oh, they chase me down for my treasure hoard. Crack me on my skull like it was a gourd
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Yeah they fight in groups on their tv screens. Isn’t fair when it’s one against a team.
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Why, oh why did you have to stab me with a sword?
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been used for gamers’ entertainment
And I lost, baby, I lost!
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
Oh you cast a spell with your mystic art, Then you plunged a dagger in my heart
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Yeah they slay me from the dusk till dawn, Don’t they know in this game that I just respawn
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Why, oh why did you have to set my head aflame? Oh, no!
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been shot, and stabbed and hit with boulders
And I lost, baby, I lost!
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
As another game comes to an end, I’m lookin’ for a potion or somethin’
Anything that would put me on the mend, With all the powers I have, hmm
I’m still a wounded man, You know it’s funny
Here I thought the bosses were the ones in command
3X: Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
— original lyrics —
“Have You Seen Her” by the Chi-Lites
2X: Ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah… Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…
One month ago today, I was happy as a lark
But now I go for walks, To the movies, maybe to the park
I have a seat on the same old bench, To watch the children play, huh
You know tomorrow is their future, But for me just another day
They all gather ’round me, huh, They seem to know my name
We laugh, tell a few jokes, But it still doesn’t ease my pain
I know I can’t hide from a memory, Though day after day I’ve tried
I keep sayin’ she’ll be back, But today again I’ve lied
Oh, I see her face everywhere I go, On the street and even at the picture show
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Oh, I hear her voice as the cold winds blow, In the sweet music on my radio
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Why, oh, why: Did she have to leave and go away?
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been used to havin’ someone to lean on
And I’m lost, baby, I’m lost
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo; Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo; Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh, she left her kiss upon my lips, But left that break within my heart
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Oh, I see her hand reaching out to me, Only she can set me free
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Why, oh, why; Did she have to leave and go away
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…, I’ve been used to havin’ someone to lean on
And I’m lost, baby, I’m lost
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her
Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
As another day comes to an end, I’m lookin’ for a letter or somethin’
Anything that she would send, With all the people I know, hmm
I’m still a lonely man, You know it’s funny
I thought I had her in the palm of my hand
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh (Oh, yeah…eah…eah…), doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
6X: Have you seen her – Tell me have you seen her (with echos)
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
The manliest man with the manliest of problems… It’s Big Jim McBob!
Audio
BigJimMcBob_JoesDump
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2020 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production
Runtime: 3:04
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
The Ballad of Big Jim McBob!
(to the tune of Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean)
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
Big Jim McBob was a legend they say
When men did wrong he’d make em pay
With fists of iron and a heart of stone
Manly as hell in a class of his own, that’s Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
He could open a jar o’ pickles with one eyebrow
Bust into a bank cuz he’s got the know-how
Run cross country, go straight through a wall
Was the whole damn team when he played football… Yeah Jim
He’d scale a mountain with both hands tied
Kept a pack of wolves right by his side
Grown men would run from him in fear
His piercing eyes never shed a tear, not Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
He was a Rhodes Scholar and a Shinto Priest
A blazing inferno didn’t worry him the least
Had a thundering voice that could split the sky
With a tone so lovely soothe a baby’s cry… He’s Jim
A lady’s man with a head full of hair
Kind as a puppy and tough as a bear
He’d jump into his pants like a raging bull
And everyone knew those pants were full… Of Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
Now Jim had a woman who he loved strong
Way up in the mountains she done him wrong
She’d laid down a law that he couldn’t heed
And left Big Jim with an aching need… Oh, Jim
They cussed and they argued ’bout who was right
Kept the neighbors up till late in the night
She kicked him out in the cold and the dark
With nowhere to sleep he laid down in the park… poor Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
Now you might wonder what was Jim’s sin
The horrible crime that done him in
It’s only one thing lost his castle and crown…
Big Jim just couldn’t put that toilet seat down. Damnit, Jim!
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Imagine by John Lennon
– – – – – –
Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people living for today
Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people living life in peace, you
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people sharing all the world, you
You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope some day you’ll join us
And the world will be as one
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
When the fast food industry can’t sell you food fast enough, they come up with a new and dastardly plan…
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band / Eat All The Chickens And Hens
Parody of The Beatles “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band / With A Little Help From My Friends”
Video:
Audio
ColSandersGastricBypassBand_JoesDump
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas
Music Backing Soundtrack: Ryohei Kanayama (http://www.goldmine1969.com)
Copyright 2020 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production
Runtime: 5:15
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Colonel Sanders Gastric Bypass Band! (eat all the chickens and hens)
— Extra Crispy Lyrics: —
+++ opening boardroom scene with Col Sanders:
(general boardroom chatter)
(door open/close)
(murmurs of “Col Sanders!”)
Col: Gentlemen! Our secret herbs and spices have done really well over the years, but I fear that we have run into a limiting factor. Seems we can only feed people so much before they are full. We need something new!
(harumph, harumph, harumph)
Col: I did not hear a harumph out of you!
(harumph?)
Col: That’s better! So I have come up with a brand new product, and a new campaign to sell it to our hungry consumers… You! Minimum wage musicians! Play me in!
(musician: Yes sir!)
— the song! —
We got something new for you today
Just come in to Colonel Sanders’ place
You been eatin’ chicken wings and thighs
We can help you fit more inside
It’s gonna be a brand new you
That weight will all disappear
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
{music interlude}
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
We hope that you got lots of dough
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
You’ll wonder where your fat will go
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
Our food will always be here
For you to get your fill
The operation’s starting now
Just breathe in deep and count to ten, you’ll sleep just like a stone
Junk we sell you will make you grow
No nutrition inside you know
Selling sugar and fat’s our thing
The Colonel, Clown and the King
But now that we’re almost through
It’s all gonna disappear
With Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
…!!!
Sanders Here!
…!!!
What would you think if we ran out of food
Would you get up and walk out the door
How ‘bout a breast or a thigh or a wing
We’ve got stuffing and gravy to pour
…
Oh, when you’re through you can go on a cleanse
Mm, see your doctor and make some amends
Mm, make believe as your waistline extends
…
You can buy buckets of our takeaway.
Then eat it all down to the bone.
Getting more biscuits and cornbread’s okay.
If it costs more we’ll give you a loan
…
Oh, all those chickens are raised up in pens
Mm, but it’s always the same in the ends
Mm, we just fry them by fives and by tens
…
Will we feed anybody?
You just need money for grub
Should this go in your body?
We sell food packed into tubs
…
You won’t believe that you ate every bite
The Extra Crispy really tastes so fine
We’re here to make sure that you’re comfy tonight
So all of our new chairs recline
Oh, gonna sell you whatever we can
Mm, gotta get you to buy and to spend
Oh, gonna fry up some odds and some ends
…
Will we feed anybody?
You just need money for grub
Should this go in your body?
We sell food packed into tubs
…
Oh, in the end it’s all chickens and hens
Mm, gonna fry up some chickens and hens
Oh, gotta sell you some chickens and hens
Yea, gonna eat all the chickens and hens
All the chickens and hens!
