Parody of “Have A Holly Jolly Xmas” by Burl Ives
It’s Burl Ives as you’ve never heard him!
(because it’s not him…)
—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---
Audio Only:
Video at:
Written and sung by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Parody of “I’m On Fire” by Bruce Springsteen
What can I do with the creepiest song by Springsteen? Make it creepier, of course!
As heard on Dr. Demento!
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Audio Only:
Video at:
Written and sung by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
(parody of Billy Joel’s “I May Be Crazy”)
Nouns… Verbs… Conjugation!
Learning Spanish for 3+ years. Wrote a song. You will listen to pay for my lessons!
(and if you don’t speak Spanish, badly translated lyrics are in this video 😉 )
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Audio Only:
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
www.JoesDump.com
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
I’m Speaking Spanish
(parody of Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy”)
Friday night está viernes
What you want is qué quieres
And those too es esos tambíen
You say uno for a one
And El sol es por the sun
Aprendiendo para mi esta bien
When I say hola it means hello
Y abajo es way down below
Mi cerebro that is what you call my brain
Conducir is when I drive
Y llegar is to arrive
But I only use these words when I’m in Spain
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! Pero no sé qué palabras estoy buscando
It’s quite the sight, ‘cuz I’m not Hispanic
Yo escucho la radio all day and night
Well… I learned mi pelo is my hair
Corrí de osos, I ran from bears
It’s Kilómetros there instead of miles
We ate a tomate con pan
Then I fell en un volcan
Cuando violé la ley I was on trial
I held my breath till me puse azul
Martillo y clavos are some tools
El queso dice is what cheese has to say
El cielo está blue
Los dientes are to chew
No sabes dónde then you probably lost your way
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No entiendes de lo que estoy hablando
I’m really white, there’s no need to panic
You all know que estoy loco, and that’s a riot
(musical interlude)
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No sé nada de las cosas que te lo digo
My goal’s in sight, but I didn’t plan it
No conozco en mi barrio who’s up all night
A la derecha is on the right
Un submarino must be airtight
Muy blanca that’s very white
Si estás gordo you need a diet
En un vuelo is on a flight
Tu sabes alto is about your height
Muy silencio is very quiet
Vuelas una cometa fly a kite
Buenas noches that means goodnight…
How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass
Normally on Joe’s Bassment, I sing a popular song in a lower key… But not this week!
I’m taking the “Joe’s Dump Nutcracker Challenge!” and doing this song in it’s original key… Including the highest note I’ve ever sung!
Dedicated to my lovely wife, here’s “If I Didn’t Care” by The Ink Spots and The Platters:
Enjoy!
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“If I Didn’t Care”
Cover version by: Joe J Thomas
Original by: The Ink Spots
If I didn’t care more than words can say
If I didn’t care would I feel this way?
If this isn’t love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go ’round and ’round
While my heart stands still?
If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?
Optional… Monologue:
If I didn’t care honey child, mo’ than words can say. If I didn’t care baby, would I feel this way? Darlin’ if this isn’t love, then why do I thrill so much? What is it that makes my head go ’round and ’round while my heart just stands still so much?
If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?
Parody of “The Winner Takes It All” by Abba and Carla Bruni
Are you a husband? Have you been dragged to the mall for “The Shopping”? If you’ve been there, this song’s for you…
Now airing on The Dr. Demento Show!
…and available for download and purchase at The FuMP!!!
Written and Sung by: Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Run time: 3:11
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
I don’t understand… What you want to buy here
Purses, clothes and shoes
Any way I lose
I’m carrying the bags… Anything for you, dear
Oh my aching back
I think it’s out of whack
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
It won’t fit in the car
I need to find a bar
Then we got some lunch… Something from the food court
I wanted Peiking Duck
But I was out of luck
The burger they served me… Wasn’t of the meat sort
It smelled of month-old grease
Could we just go home please?
And then she turned to me
As happy as can be
That’s when I knew for sure
That I must still endure
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
I’d better call the man
To bring a U-Haul van
Does she know I’m here? Why is she still shopping?
Maybe I should speak
My legs are getting weak
We’re never going home… There is just no stopping
Have I lost my mind?
Or just lost track of time?
My credit card’s aflame
I can’t recall my name
How long have we been here
It really seems like years
The room is spinning round
I tumble to the ground
The medics heard my call
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass
As a Bass/Baritone singer, there’s a lot of songs I’d like to sing that are just too high in their original key. So… Welcome to Joe’s Bassment! Where I sing a popular song in a lower key.
This week’s song is “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch” originally sung by Thurl Ravenscroft (also the voice of Tony the Tiger). It’s already plenty low enough, so I’m singing in the original key.
Enjoy!
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch”
Cover version by: Joe J Thomas
Original by: Thurl Ravenscroft
You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch. You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus. You’re as charming as an eel, Mr. Grinch
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel
You’re a monster, Mr. Grinch. Your heart’s an empty hole
Your brain is full of spiders. You’ve got garlic in your soul, Mr Grinch
I wouldn’t touch you with a, Thirty-nine and a half foot pole
You’re a vile one, Mr. Grinch. You have termites in your smile
You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile, Mr Grinch
Given the choice between the two of you, I’d take the seasick crocodile
You’re a foul one, Mr. Grinch. You’re a nasty wasty skunk
Your heart is full of unwashed socks, Your soul is full of gunk, Mr Grinch
The three words that best describe you, Are as follows, and I quote
Stink, Stank, Stunk
You’re a rotter Mr Grinch. You’re the king of sinful sots
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched with moldy purple spots, Mr Grinch
Your soul is an appalling dump heap, Overflowing with the most disgraceful
Assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable, Mangled up in tangled up knots
You nauseate me, Mr Grinch. With a nauseous super nos
You’re a crooked jerky jockey and. You drive a crooked hoss, Mr Grinch
You’re a three-decker sauerkraut, And toadstool sandwich, With arsenic sauce
Parody Song about a Proctology Visit Gone Weird
*** Airing on Dr. Demento this week!!! ***
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas
Featuring Karyn O’Bryant as Nurse Feratu at www.karynobryant.com
Music Parody Mash-Up of:
Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof and I Feel Pretty from West Side Story
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Available for purchase on The FuMP here:
But, Dr. ButtDoctor! (on The FuMP)
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
But, Dr. ButtDoctor
Parody Song about a Proctology Visit Gone Weird
By Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump www.JoesDump.com
Featuring Karyn O’Bryant as Nurse Feratu at www.karynobryant.com
Music Parody Mash-Up of:
Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof and I Feel Pretty from West Side Story
~~~ intro (spoken):
Nurse: Mr. Thomas?
Joe: Yes?
Nurse: Dr. Buttdoctor will see you now.
Joe: Thank you, Nurse, uh?
Nurse: Feratu. Nurse Feratu.
Joe: Ah… ok.
Doc: Come in Mr. Thomas. Now what seems to be the problem…
Joe: Uh, Well…
~~~ parody (matchmaker)
But Dr. Buttdoctor stare at my crack
I’m dropping trow. Baby got back.
But Dr. Buttdoctor give me a sign
That everything will be fine
But Dr. Buttdoctor glove on your hand
How ‘bout a clue into your plan
Why I’m exposed here in such a cold room
With goosebumps on my full moon
~~~ parody (i feel pretty)
What’s that medieval tool lurking there
(What tool what where)
Where could that horrendous thing go
(I’m sure I don’t know)
Please don’t plug it in
It’d be a sin
Call my next of kin
What a horror show!
~~~ parody (matchmaker)
But Dr. Buttdoctor I changed my mind.
No need to look. Don’t waste your time.
If I just leave now right through the front door
And run down the corridor
But Dr. Buttdoctor this door is locked
I’ll pull up my pants so I’m not half-cocked
Once you unlock this I’ll be on my way
I’m sure things will be ok
~~~ parody (i feel pretty)
All those flashing lights on that console there!
(What console, where?)
Am I in a bad sci-fi show?
(Oh heavens no)
Are we up in space?
Don’t take off your face!
What the heck’s this place?
It’s a UFO!!!
~~~ parody (matchmaker)
Alien Buttdoctor why are you here?
Did you just want, a look at my rear?
Please drop me off at the planet called Earth
So, I’ll tell you what. Don’t think I’m a nut.
Turn this thing round. Back down to the ground.
But please keep away from my butt!
(Oy!)
~~~ ending: (UFO lift-off sound)
This week I’m posting a cover version of “¿Dónde Estás, Yolanda?” by Pink Martini.
I like to keep my singing chops on par, so I try to challenge myself with new material.
This is my very first song in Spanish!
Hope you enjoy it!
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass
As a Bass/Baritone singer, there’s a lot of songs I’d like to sing that are just too high in their original key. So… Welcome to Joe’s Bassment! Where I sing a popular song in a lower key.
This week’s song is “Bohemian Rhapsody” originally by Queen.
Enjoy!
(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)
I’m writing a birthday song for every decade.
My last one was “Don’t Worry, You’re Fifty”.
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Sixty Candles
by: Joe J Thomas
(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)
Happy birthday. You look kind of shaky.
Oh, you are so old.
Sixty candles. What a frightening sight.
Because they’re setting your house alight (set your house alight)
Blow out the candles. Dial nine one one.
This birthday party is no longer fun. (it’s no longer fun)
You’re over sixty. (sixty)
And on the senior scene. (senior scene)
You’ve got pension. And dentures.
And membership in AARP.
(AARP, yeah)
Sixty candles set your house aglow.
Now ash is falling from the sky like snow. (from the sky like snow)